


Where's the Lye

by tipplerdoeswords



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: slice of life is the only thing I can write, there's only one swear, wraith is the depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 17:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18183524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipplerdoeswords/pseuds/tipplerdoeswords
Summary: Octane becomes a suburban mom on his quest to bother everyone and make soap. Lifeline is there to be an adult.





	Where's the Lye

Lifeline cracked open her eyes. The weak morning sunlight was coming through her window and her healing drone was charging at its dock. Everything was fine, except it was much too early to be awake. She closed her eyes again.

A staccato knock on her door was the only warning she had before Octavio burst into her room.

"Rise and shine compadre!" he shouted as he jerked open Lifeline's curtains. He turned around to see Lifeline holding a P2020.

"Aw c'mon Ajay, it's almost 6:00 am! Practically midday. I already joined Anita and Bloodhound for their warmup 10 mile run. Livestreamed the whole thing. Can't figure out how Bloodhound doesn't overheat in all their gear. Had some coffee. Now it's time to really start the fun!"

Lifeline put down her gun with a sigh. Her heart was beating fast enough that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anyway. She threw off her covers and swung her legs out of bed, stretching her arms and yawning.

"I was thinking of doing some squad drills and jump-pack practice today." she said as she pulled on her day clothes. "Been having trouble sticking the landings."

Octavio paced around her room, thumbing through the shelf of medical implements and spinning a drum stick around his fingers as Ajay washed her face and put up her hair. His mask was hanging on his belt along with several green capsules.

"Yes, sure, but first we should do something fun." said Octane. "We haven't had much good bonding time, Ajay, being besties we gotta hang or the fans won't have any new material to fawn over." He wrung his hands in faux despair. "They need sustenance or they'll go rabid."

"Can't disappoint the fans." said Ajay drily. "But I don't think we're supposed to leave the organization property since the start of the season is only a week away. They don't want their stars getting kidnapped before we can compete."

Octavio stood by Ajay's door as she slung her drone into it's custom carrier. He ducked out of her room and into the hallway, bouncing on his prosthetics until Lifeline came out to join him.

"That's why I have the perfect idea." he said. Octavio shimmied around Pathfinder, who gave Ajay a cheery wave. "What do suburban moms and hippies love?"

They entered the cafeteria, where a handful of legends were munching on the gourmet chef cooked meal. There were perks to participating in a galactically popular blood sport.

"Photoshoots of Mirage?" replied Ajay, as she took a plate of eggs benedict and a few energy bars from a bowl by the bananas.

Octane shook his head, pouring himself a large cup of black coffee and grabbing three glazed doughnuts. They sat down at an empty table and started eating.

Octane closed his eyes in rapture as he bit off half a doughnut. Ajay took a swig of orange juice.

"You know, you should really eat more fresh fruits and vegetables." she said through a mouthful of english muffin.

"I'm getting all my vitamins, madre. I need my carbs so I can burn 'em on the field." said Octane. "Glucose baby. Anyway, what I was saying is NOT that we're doing a photoshoot of Mirage, but rather--" he paused to start on his second doughnut. "Wrmph gon mmph smp."

Lifeline saw Wraith come into the cafeteria and pour herself a mug of coffee to rival Octane's. Lifeline motioned to the pale woman, who came and sat down next to them.

"We're going to make soap." said Octane, after swallowing his mouthful of pastry.

"Did you guys turn into suburban moms?" asked Wraith.

"Yes Wraith, exactly, thank you." said Octane. "We have."

"Okay." said Lifeline. This wasn't even that crazy of a plan compared to what Octane usually thought up.

Octane stood up and downed his coffee. "Great, let's go get some N-A-O-H."

He was half-way across the room when he noticed that Lifeline was still at the table. He ran back.

"Wait for me to finish eating." said Lifeline. "And wait for Wraith too."

Octane slumped down in his chair with a grumble, pulled on his mask, and slid out his phone. Wraith put a hand over her face as Octane snapped a selfie of the three of them.

"Getting into trouble with the crew today." he muttered to himself as he tapped out the tagline. "Hypest hype for the games next week, stay tuned for more hot info."

Wraith sighed into her mug. Lifeline had a sneaking suspicion that Wraith was up late rather than early. Lifeline offered her a bite of canadian bacon.

"'m not hungry." Wraith said. She hadn't taken well to being confined to the grounds in preparation for the games. Lifeline could see Wraith was even paler than usual and had deep shadows under her eyes.

"C'mon love, you'll need fuel to feel good during scrims." Lifeline pushed her half full glass across the table. "The juice is delicious. Take your time, but please have something."

"Bluh. Would hate to disappoint you, Ajay." said Wraith with a hint of a smile. She took the offered juice and sipped it.

Octane kept swiping through photos and muttering as Lifeline finished eating and Wraith got through a protein bar. The jagged teeth of his mask grinned up at Lifeline as she stood up to put her away her plate. As she came back to the table to say bye to Wraith, she saw Octane thumbing one of the green tubes hanging on his waist.

She smacked his hand away. "Don't be an idiot, Octavio. You'll be bouncing off the walls."

"Okay okay, sorry, let's go though I'm getting antsy." he said. He leaned over to Wraith, who was face down on the table. "Wanna be cameraman, chica? People have been saying that I jitter the video too much."

"No." said Wraith, through the table.

"You okay?" said Lifeline.

"No." Wraith repeated. "But I'll manage."

They left her in the cafeteria. Lifeline followed Octane to an empty practice field where contestants could practice using the ziplines. There wasn't anyone there yet.

Octane switched on his stream, and fixed his phone to the straps on his chest. He spun around to face Lifeline.

"Part two of the today's stream! Hello everyone tuning in. We have Lifeline here today to help make some homemade soap!" said Octane. Lifeline waved at the camera.

"But Octane, you say, how is this dangerous at all? Where's the adrenaline? Where's the excitement?" he continued. "Well, if there's one thing you all have been askin for it's a look at all the legends. And today we're going to see Caustic!"

Lifeline looked at him in horror. If there was anyone taking confinement worse than Wraith it was the loner scientist.

"I did my research amigos, we need sodium hydroxide to make soap. Pure! The good stuff. We could ask the game managers for some but that could take hours. Time for direct action."

Lifeline shook her head in disbelief. It was too late to stop Octane. He had a plan, and he would do everything in his power to complete it or lose his limbs trying.

She checked her personal med kit. Lifeline had stashed a few vials of atropine recently. It was an antidote to most nerve agents and worked well enough on whatever was in Caustic's gas. She looked up to see Octane staring her in the face.

"Ready Ajay?" he asked.

"One day I won't be here to bail you out." she replied.

Octane flashed her a thumbs up and charged back into the housing building.

Ajay sprinted after Octane, who wove himself around the other legends. The ones who had just woken up staggered back in confusion as Octane hurtled past them, only for Lifeline to shout apologies as she followed. They went to the back of the building, somewhere Lifeline hadn't explored before. There was another hallway of rooms here. Unlike Ajay's apartment, the doors here were larger and more industrial.

Ajay stopped to catch her breath as Octane started hammering on rightmost door. She didn't have a weapon, sadly. They were warned against killing or permanently injuring the other contestants before the games started, but non-lethal scuffles just wet the viewer's appetites for the real thing. Reality television truly brought out the best in people.

After a minute of knocking, the heavy metal door swung open to reveal Caustic, who was wearing an old t-shirt emblazoned with the caption 'Bug Off' and sweatpants. He was also holding an P2020.

"What." Caustic said. He squinted at Ajay who was standing behind Octavio and making a face that said 'your guess is as good as mine.'

"Alexander Nox. The man above morality. The scientist with a thing for murder." Octane said dramatically. He always hammed it up when he had an audience. "Could you help us and people watching at home have a radical time making soap?"

It wasn't even 7:00 am. Lifeline rubbed the corners of her eyes. Caustic kept his gun trained on Octane as he let the silence drag on.

Octane started fidgeting in place, hands drifting down to his stim tubes.

"Bloodhound warned me you would be coming by, so I'll give you your chemicals if you promise NEVER to talk to me again." Caustic said gruffly.

"Absolutely." said Octane. He took his phone so that the camera was facing him.

"I'm lying, guys." He stage whispered.

Caustic rolled his eyes and grumbled something about how they were lucky he wasn't wearing his gear or he would gas them for being meddlesome dipshits. He finally lowered the gun and reached behind the doorframe for a plastic jar that he tossed in Octane's face. As Octane fumbled his phone and the container, Caustic slammed the door shut.

Lifeline let out the breath she had been holding. Octane put his phone back in its harness and showed off the 100% crystal Lye Drain Cleaner to his followers. Lifeline tugged the container out of Octavio's hands just as he was about to stick his hand into it.

"Don't mess with chemicals." said Lifeline. Especially the ones you get from Caustic, she added silently."Where to next?"

Octane paused for a split second. "To the kitchens Ajay! We need a variety of vegetable oils."

They ran back to the cafeteria, where more people had woken up for breakfast. Lifeline excused herself from the oil quest so she could say hi to Makoa, who was at the table they had vacated not long ago. Wraith was also exactly where they had left her, facedown on the wood surface.

Gibraltar put a finger to his lips as Lifeline approached, then pointed to Wraith. "She's finally asleep and I don't want to wake her." he said quietly. "I sat here so I could warn people."

Lifeline nodded. "Poor woman's been struggling." she said, keeping her voice low.

Gibraltar took a bite of cereal. "What's that you have there?" he asked, pointing to the lye.

Lifeline turned it over ruefully. "Octane wanted to do some arts and crafts. I'm kinda along for the ride."

Gibraltar chuckled. His expression rapidly turned to horror as he looked behind Lifeline, who turned to see Octane with a green vial in hand bolting out of the kitchen.

Octane injected the stim and tossed the spent vial behind him. It shattered against the opposite wall. He made a running leap for their table, only to be stopped suddenly by Makoa's forearm.

Lifeline glanced at Wraith, who hadn't moved.

"I got the oil." wheezed Octane. "We can finally make the soap." Gibraltar lowered him to the ground carefully.

 

Lifeline and Octane spent the rest of the morning making a mess in the few pots and dishes in Lifeline's apartment. The final product looked like tan pudding, which Octane assured her was a good thing.

"It takes four weeks to cure so let's put it under your bed for now." said Octane. His earlier fervor had worn off a bit and he hid a yawn behind his hand.

"Hey, by that time I can use it to wash your blood off my hands." joked Lifeline.

**Author's Note:**

> octane is all of us


End file.
